WITH THE SECOND YEAR STUDENTS AT THE PROFESSIONAL ACTING SCHOOL THE HAIFA STUDIO THEATRE
חיפושחיפוש
שופרא – אייל ויזר – סמיילי
מחזה: שופרא
מחזאי: אייל וייזר
דמות: סמיילי
תמיד הוא סיים בחיוך. בסמיילי כזה. נקודותיים סגור סוגריים. אולי הדבר שאני הכי זוכרת, זה – את החיוך הראשון שלו. זה היה רק “היי”, סמיילי. עניתי לו “היי” והוספתי גם אני סמיילי, ניסיתי לענות באותה שפה, עדיין לא ממש הכרתי אותו, לא ידעתי מה מסתתר מאחורי הסמיילי הזה.אולי זה משהו רגעי, יכול להיות שהוא בנאדם שרגע אחד שולח לך סמיילי ורגע אחרי מעביר לך שלושה סימני קריאה שהיו מפילים אותי למיטה לדיכאון של כמה ימים, סרטים סוג ז’, שעות מול המקרר ושבועות של הלקאה עצמית – למה אני לא מרימה את התחת והולכת לחדר כושר? מצטערת, אני פשוט יצאתי מקשר קשה.
“אז מה המצב?”, הוא שאל, סימן שאלה, סמיילי. מתעניין לשלומי – מממ…
ירד גשם בחוץ ועניתי “לא רע, אין תלונות, מה איתך?” סימן שאלה. כאן הפסקתי עם הסמיילי. זה לא הרגיש לי אמיתי, לא יודעת זה לא עבד לי. אולי זה בגלל שירד גשם בחוץ והייתה לי מן צביטה בלב כזו, שלא בא לי סמיילי, בא לי שסמיילי אליי. מה, הייתי קצת פינוקי…
“אז מה אתה מחפש?” סימן שאלה. שאלתי, שאלה פתוחה, בלי סמיילי, שיענה מה שיענה.
“קשר” סמיילי. הפתיע אותי עם הישירות. בחור רציני.
“ויש עוד משהו שאת צריכה לדעת עלי. אני יכול לסמוך עליך?״ שלוש נקודות סמיילי.
“ברור” עם סמיילי, כדי שידע שהוא מצא כתף. מה, אני חברה…
“אני …” על המסך הופיעה האות ע’, בלי סמיילי.
ע’? מה ע’ עכשיו? גלגלתי אתהאות ע’ בראש… ע’- עובד עירייה? ע’ – עובד זר? ע’-ערבי? ע’ – ערפד? איזה חמוד.. הוא באמת חשב שזה מה שירתיע אותי, שהוא ערפד ערבי שמתעורר רק בלילה, מתעופף על האיקליפטוסים של תל אביב כדי למצוא יהודייה כשרה ולמצוץ לה את הדם? הוא המשיך בב’, עוד פעם בלי סמיילי, דלת. סמיילי.
עבד?!?!סימן שאלה, סימן קריאה, סימן שאלה, בתוך עצמי.
הוא חיכה, זה מה שעבדים עושים כנראה, חשבתי. מחכים להפעלות.
“אני אוהב שמשפילים אותי כמה כלבלב” סמיילי.
ערב גשום והנה אני מוצאת לעצמי בנאדם שיודע לקבל, להכיל, שמבין מה זאת אינטימיות. רק הוא ואני, אני והוא, אני קובעת, הוא מבצע, give and give take and take… לא שמנה יונג ויאנג ביחד, משלימים.
“עבד ארצה, ארצה”
סמיילי
“רק על הברכיים, עם הראש שלך בין הרגליים שלי. לא תתנהג יפה תקבל הצלפה מהשוט”.
סמיילי כפול.
“לקק לי את כפות הרגליים שלי”
סמיילי
“עם רוק, אפס. מה לא ברור?! הרבה רוק יא אפס”
“עכשיו לקק לי את הכוס!”
“בוא תתכבד מהחור של התחת שלי, עם הלשון בפנים, טעים?”
סמיילי
“לא מדברים בפה מלא, קבל סטירה על התחת, עונש!
אוי, אתה רוצה להוריד את הסמיילי המזוין שלך? בוא נוריד אותו. בוא שב על ארבע. עכשיו קח סכין זה טוב הא… תוריד את הסמייל המזוין שלך, תוריד. יופי, אפס, יופי. הא. הא. הא!!!!
בכל קשר יש ups and downs. אני מבינה שאחרי הסשן הוא היה צריך זמן להירגע, אבל שבועיים? אפילו לא סמיילי אחד בפורום הכללי? קשר… קשר הוא אמר שהוא רוצה, הא?פאק, אני הייתי כאן בשבילו.
* השימוש במונולוג זה הינו באחריות המשתמש ולשימוש פרטי בלבד.
מומלץ קודם לביצוע המונולוג לקרוא את המחזה עצמו
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Smiley/Shufra
how about some emotional pornography?” – 2007
“Shufra – an extra-fringe play…Four actors perform impressive monologues and create a funny
and nightmarish dialogue with the audience, written and directed with inspiration”. (Zvi Goren –
Habama website)
“‘Shufra’ – the new play, provides an amusing hour with four talented actors who represent the
“Y-Generation” that prefers the “Dolce Vita” and goes out on a surrealistic journey in a self
awareness workshop” (Michael Handelzaltz – Haaretz newspaper)
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Playwright: Eyal Weiser
Director: Alon Cohen
Costume: Adva Balzam
Actors: Yoval Abramovitch/Tal kalay, Efrat Arnon, Itzik Golan, Natalie Fainstein
Composer “I want to”: Amir Lakner
Lighting Designer: Erez Shvarzbaum
Character:
Anna – workshop instructor
Shlimovitch
Woman with computer
Neighbor
In a self-awareness workshop that has just been started. In the middle of
the space stands a big gong that Anna uses often.
Anna: Everyone’s here. We can begin.
I always take a good big breath before I start, and I think we’re starting. Allow
me to take the reins and begin. What are we here for? To check, to find out, to
inspect, ask profound questions straight from our existential bellybutton,
questions beyond words, Beyond language. How did the cave man
communicated before any language was invented? (She starts to growl like a
beast)
Did you understand me? Has someone understood me? It takes time. What can
we do, we don’t know everything. Not everything. Some things we know less
and others we know more. What’s more? What’s less? That’s exactly why we’re
here. That’s what I’ve just said, by the way, in an ancient language. You will
learn to listen.
Thank you. Thank you for our future mutual discovering journey. Thank you for
that chance you gave yourselves and me, allowing us to inspect all those
components who eventually become the “one” being that turns us into who we
are. When we’ll know ourselves better, this whole splendor which we define as
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“me, myself”, we could make room for everything that is not “me”. That’s right,
what can you do, after all there’s yet other “me” in this world, besides “me”.
In a minute we’ll start with our circle of names, in which you will also
participate…don’t panic! I can already see the horror in your eyes, you’re not
being put to the test here, me neither, are you testing me? Perhaps you’re the
ones who’re testing yourselves? Can you live up to your expectations? Not here,
here we will try to let go of them, as I’m saying that, observe how all of a
sudden we are less stressed, we just need to talk about things, perhaps to talk
without words…(She starts to growl again like a beast)
We just need to communicate, and the will to do so! It’s just a name, a fraction
in our I.D. we have many other elements that assemble us, our identity, besides
the name, what’s a name? (Asks for someone’s name in the audience), who
decided that this should be called . . .? Maybe I want to call it a jardinière? How
delimiting language is? How restrictive? How stereotyped? Categorized? The
word has the power to restrict, to castrate.
(Improvises with audience – addressing the audience and try to find worthless
common denominators between them, it can be the first letter of their name, it
can be some ridiculous connection between their professions and it can be the
also the fact that there are all strangers. Her goal is to establish a contemporary
community of “here and now”. When she finish she ask the audience to focus
on her again)
My name is Anna, Anna? Anna – in Hebrew it means ‘where to’? Anna – ‘what
place’? Anna – ‘where exactly’? So many questions rising from only this one
name and it’s just my name. ‘Anna’ means ‘me’ in Arabic. (Gets into the
character of an arab women stuck in the roadblock) ‘Anna’ at the roadblock,
‘Anna’ – let me through, ‘Anna’ – but I have a blue I.D card, ‘Anna’ – I’m
pregnant, ‘Anna’ – let me through, ‘Anna’ – need to get to the Jewish hospital,
‘Anna’ – the baby’s gone. ‘Anna’ – revenge. ‘Anna’ – Jewish blood will be spilled,
‘Anna’ – I’ll be dancing on Jewish graves. ‘Anna’ – Jerusalem will be our capital!
So many associations in one name and they all drain down to me.
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It’s just getting more complicated, bit patience. That’s exactly what we’re going
to do today – examine how we feel within our name, how it feels when they say
to you “Anna, please, we need the studio for Saturday, cause we’re rehearsing a
fringe show”, “Anna, give your child ciperlex he’s taking Neta’s eye out”,
“Anna, being a single mom is a matter of choice”, excuse me?! “a choice”?!
(Anna regains her composure, strikes the gong and signs the people who came
to the workshop to talk about themselves).
Shlimovitch:
I’m not…so I wrote it down. (Take out from his pouch transistor radio)
and composed……
(Start to sing)
I want it good
I want it bad
I want a woman
I want a lad
I want it together
I want it alone
I want a cucumber, a big one
I want a bone
I want it easy
I want it hard
I want it out
I want it deep inside
I want it every night
Well, not every night, ’cause I have a headache…
I want it hot
I want it wet
I want to sweat
I want an outlet
I want to sublet
I want to fornicate
I want everything
And I want nothing
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I want it smart
I want to fart
I want it at daylight
I want it at night
I want to get hit in a fight,
Hard, please…
I want a caress
I want some affection
I want it like crazy
I want it out of whimsy
I want cable
I want satellite
I want to be stable
I want to get high
I want to cut her some slack
But then again, no
I want to go back
And it’s all his fault
I want more money
I want to be poor
I want to party
I want to be whacky
I want Manhattan
I want Senegal
I want it excitin’
I want it banal
I want it young
I want it yung
I want it yummy
I want a bong
I
want it up my ass
want it in my mouth
I
want in the pharmacy
I
want it with a cup of coffee
I
want to sing
want to shut up
I
!
I
Anna:
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Thank you.
(Anna strikes the gong).
Woman with computer:
He’d always finish with a smile. A smiley, kind of. Such a smiler, with a timid
smile, hesitating, embarrassed, innocent. Always with a smile on his lips. A smile,
colon, end of brackets.
I liked it about him, this ability of his to be happy despite of everything, to see
the bright side, to fit an inner smile to any situation. And even when the shit
hits the fan, as it does sometimes, doesn’t it? He could keep that inner smiley
even then. Maybe the thing I remember most is – his first smile. It was just a
simple “hi”, smiley. “Hi”, I replied, adding my own smiley, trying to
communicate in the same language, me too. I didn’t really know him by then.
Couldn’t know what’s hiding behind this smiley of his, maybe it’s momentary,
maybe he’s the kind of person who sends you a smiley in one moment, and in
the next three exclamation marks that would throw me to bed, for a few days of
sheer depression, spending hours in front of the fridge and tormenting myself –
why can’t I lift my fat ass and go to the gym?
Sorry, I’ve just barely survived a difficult relationship.
“So, what’s up”? He asked, question mark, smiley.
He’s interested in how I am? Hmmm…
It was raining outside so I replied “not bad, no complaints, how about you”?
question mark. This is where I’ve stopped with the smiley. Didn’t feel real, I
don’t know, didn’t work for me. Maybe cause it was raining outside and I felt
this pinch in my heart, and I didn’t feel like a smiley, I felt like him “smiley” to
me.
“So what are you looking for”? question mark. I’ve asked, an open question, no
smiley, let him answer as he wishes.
“Relationship” smiley. I was surprised with his bluntness. Here’s a serious guy.
“And you? You too?” smiley.
“Yes”. Smileyless, after all, it was still raining outside and I felt a bit cuddly.
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He waited for a few seconds and then went on with this frankness, which tore
me apart, melted me down, proving me there’s still a handful of guys in this city
that accept themselves as they are.
“And there’s something else you need to know about me”. Three dots, smiley.
“What”? Question mark.
“Can I trust you”? Question mark, smiley.
“Sure” with a smiley, so he’ll know he has a shoulder to lean on.
“Are you sure”? Question mark. Smiley.
“Yes…come on…” Didn’t I say ‘shoulder’?
“I’m a…” he wrote the letter ‘s’, without a smiley.
That means I knew after that some more letters should be arriving, cause I’ve
gotten used to him, he wouldn’t leave me without a smiley at the end.
‘S’? what’s with the ‘s’ now? I’ve started imagining some options in my head: ‘s’ –
sanitarian? ‘s’ – Sudanese? ‘s’ – Saudi Arabian? ‘s’ – snake? Spider?
neighbor:
Sucking blood?
Woman with computer:
Ok, so why should he be so embarrassed? Did he really think that’s what going
to deter me, that he’s an Arab blood sucker who only wakes up at night, flies
over the city’s Eucalyptus trees to find a kosher Jewish girl to suck her blood?
He continued with a ‘la’, again without a smiley, ‘ve’! smiley. It’s about time.
“A slave?!?” Question mark, exclamation mark, question mark. I asked, inside
myself.
He waited. I guess that’s what slaves do, I thought. They wait, to be operated.
“I like to be humiliated like a doggie”. Smiley.
I could recognize his distress; he wants to be a slave right here right now.
I said to myself, it’s raining outside, I’m free tonight, it was meant to be.
“So we got us a slave here. period. That’s how you talk to slaves.
Smiley. So he’s into it…
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‘S’ exclamation mark, ‘la’ exclamation mark, ‘ve’ exclamation mark. “You’re a
slave!”
Double smiley,
Weird.
“You’re gonna do what I tell you, am I clear”?
“Yes” smiley.
“Yes what”?
“Yes ma’am”
“Ma’am, ha”?
O.k. maybe I have problems in reading clues, cause “Anal penetration” is a
nickname that is quite hard to miss but I felt that he was in distress, that he
wants to be a slave here and now, it was rainy outside and I thought to myself,
well…I found a man who can receive, who knows how to contain, who
understands what intimacy is. Just him and me, me and him, I decide and he
executes, take and take, give and give…never mind…yin and yang, together, we
complete each other.
“Down slave, down”.
Smiley
“On your knees, with your head between my legs. If you don’t behave, you’ll get
a flog from my whip”.
Double smiley.
“Lick my feet”
smiley
“Use spit you bum, what part of it didn’t you understand, lots of spit or bum”?
smiley
“Are you clear”?
“Yes” smiley.
“Yes what?”
“Yes ma’am” smiley
“With lots of spit, I said! Now lick my pussy”.
Anna:
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(Try to stop the monologue) Ok…
Woman with computer:
“Actually I’m feeling like pouring it all out, come and honor yourself with my
asshole, stick your tongue deep inside, is it good?”
“Smiley”. “Don’t you talk with your mouth full! I’ll change my habit and we’ll
move straight to dessert. Come here you cock sucker, lie down, lie down and get
ready, yeah put yourself exactly under me, I’m pissing”. Smiley.
“It’s a bit nuggety cause of my period, isn’t it? Need a toothpick”? smiley.
“You’re having a hard-on? Like a wet rocket? Did I say you can dribble? You
maniac! I’ll slap your ass as punishment! Here’s a spank! And another one and
another one! And another one! Oh it’s good isn’t it? I want you to scream! I
can’t hear you, you maniac! Wanna wipe off you’re fucking smiley? Let’s wipe it
off. Come on sit on all your fours, yeah that’s good. Ah, you’re already crawling?
Never mind, Spread your legs, shove the mouse to your ass, I’m shoving the
mouse to your ass, take the keyboard too, oh what a tunnel we have here, ouch,
here it comes, it comes straight to smiley’s ass, ha? You zilch. Chiki chiki-cha,
chiki chiki-cha the train goes by, and all the passengers cheer and cry, good, now
take a knife, it’s good isn’t it? Now wipe out your fucking smiley, cut it off, cut
it. That’s good you cunt fucker, good, ahh…!!!!!”
(She falls from her chair and find herself in a bizarre posture)
Can anyone help me?
Every relationship has got ups and downs. I realize that he needed time to relax
after that session, but two weeks? Not even one smiley in the general forum
site? Relationship, he said he wanted relationship, ha? Fuck, I was here for him.
Now what am I going to do with this tattoo? (She reveals a big smiley tattoo on
her back)
Sorry.
I’m resetting.
Control alt delete.
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(Anna strikes the gong, Shmilovich take for himself the freedom of speech).
Shlimovitch:
It’s Shmilovich, not Shlimovich. It’s catchy, young, familiar. It’s crucial for your
profession, It’s crucial in general… Never mind. Thirty-two, that’s right, but on
the outside? 24, right? I feel like I’m 16, a teenager, a kid, I want to run all the
time…Never mind. I swim a lot. It’s important to me. It’s important in general.
My relationship status: single – and hopeful. I’m a great believer in miracles.
Being open to…Never mind. I watch “The Secret” every night before I go to
sleep…The faith is within us… Never mind.
I go to a lot of these workshops. English, by the way is my native language.
REALLY. I’m always online – MySpace, YouTube, Tumblr – and, naturally
Facebook. I have 3524 friends already. All day long I confirm this one and that
one – I don’t know any of them, but I keep confirming…Oh, and chat rooms,
too…Never mind.
Anyway, a week ago I see this wanted ad in the paper. They had a ton of
requirements so I say to myself: Bingo! and set up an interview. I had to make it
clear to the interviewer, right off the bat, that I don’t mean to be cocky but this
is gonna be a great match. It really is. You see, you can’t restrict yourself to only
on niche these days, you have to be a “talent” – a multi talent – and I have lots
of talents. Today you have to be good at this, and good at that, and skilled at
this and skilled at that. “Listen”, I told him, “I don’t want to blow my own horn,
as they say, and I don’t mean to brag, but I’m… I’m… Never mind.
“And what about people skills?” I explained to him that I have a ton of
experience with people and everything. It comes naturally to me, it flows out of
me. I remember this one night, I was the life of the party, and this guy comes
out of fucking nowhere and asks me if I’m adlibbing or reading out of cue
cards..! Me! That’s exciting. He said to me, and I quote: “Listen, it sounds like
you were born with cue cards in your hand and a giant cock stuck in your
mouth…” Never mind. The interviewer turned quiet, so I told him I googled
him. I found out he had two gorgeous kids, The blond one was so cute! I mean,
SERIOUSLY cute! Wait, no! no – not like that…
“Ever heard of ‘Special K’? Special K (mimes sniffing) It’s awful, just awful. Kids
today go to parties, take it, fall apart, smash themselves against the wall, the
ceiling, end up in a hospital bed. It’s a horse tranquilizer, after all… Why am I
telling you this? Simple, you wanted someone who could function under
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pressure. I personally think that if you’re on Special K – with 40 other men – in a
dark-room and you make it through the night in one piece, I guess you can say
you’re strong and stable and… Never mind.
And what about listening? My ability to listen, to contain the “other” is simply
amazing. It’s a must with customers. They want to feel at home. They need to
feel you give, let go of yourself and give, and I have an enormous capacity to
contain. Fisting. Two of them at once.
“I had an enema and it made me feel good.” I sensed that the energy was
dropping so I threw a provocation out there, a teaser, a promo. Something to
leave him wanting more. I highly recommend that technique. Maybe it came to
me because of that enema I had before. When you loosen up, the craziest ideas
just come to you. Never mind… What do you say? Want to take all our clothes
off and go wild? I’m clean. That’s what I told him, you see… I just know that
there’s nothing like appealing to the personal. It’s not that I’m here and he’s
there, it’s both of us, together. And if he’d asked me about the enema – when
did I have it? I wouldn’t have hesitated for a second before I told him – ‘half an
hour ago’. It does wonders. I always carry a little tube around with me, and you
hook it up right… Never mind.
(To the interviewer) Did that put you off? No, it’s just that you said in your ad
that you’re looking for someone who’s open minded, so I’m just curious to know
where exactly is your open mind? Aren’t you the one who’s supposed to be a
model of open mindedness? Listen, I’m good with people, I’m strong and I’m
stable. I contain. Fisting, two at once, remember? I’m a talent! A multi-talent….
So if you haven’t figured it out yet – I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right
here. You can go, for all I care – bye bye!! I’m not leaving until I hear you say it.
Come on, it’s easy: “You’re hired”. Listen, even more so for you than for me –
you need me here. There’s not one ass hole in this city I don’t know up close and
personal. Seriously, I just say the word, and every stinky website around makes
an “E! Hollywood Special” about my rectum… what do you say? So I have a
somewhat interesting use of references…so what? You get used it. If he’d only
given me chance…
Exhausting, isn’t it? Do you want to come to my place for a sleepover? But
you’ll remember me on the morning after? It’s Schmilovich, not Schlimovich.
Schmilovich.
Anna:
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Thank you Schlimovich. Exercise.
(Anna does a breathing Exercise and tries to share the audience in it. After it she
strikes the gong and everybody look on the Neighbor)
Neighbor:
That bitch called the cops on me. They knocked on the door, a fat stinky female
whore cop and some other cop. They asked me if I’m the one who broke her
door. I told them “no way, come on…really. Who is it, Esther from one floor
below? Ch..ch..ch.. What a sad story. The authorities know about it… a
holocaust refugee, pisses in the hallway, poor girl”. They made me sign some
papers and left. Who are they going to believe – someone who has parquet
floor in his apartment or someone who has garbage bags in his living room?
From that day on, every time I saw her standing in the window and shouting
without any clothes on, my blood pressure went even higher. Not because of her
stinky Jewish cunt, no way! The memory aggravated me, my memory of her.
That private holocaust she made me go through. Standing naked and shouting
like a crazy woman is one thing, but calling the cops? Into my house? And to be
manipulative enough to put clothes when they arrive so they won’t find out
she’s a crazy bitch? All of a sudden she became aware?
I wrote a letter to the city shrink, I called the social woman, I told them “I’m a
citizen who cares, some woman here is going crazy and no one gives a damn, it’s
gonna end badly”.
The social whore came to inspect, Esther never opened the door. Social my foot,
welfare services my foot, told me if she’s not doing anything physical to anyone,
she’s not endangering the public or actually harming the welfare of the little
man in the street, no need to hospitalize. Damn it. Not paying house committee
for twenty years and putting up a sign downstairs saying “please fix the hose in
the yard”? Is that social? Pissing in the hallway and then yelling at the house
committee, who happens to be me, that the hallway is dirty? Is that welfare?
Shouting ten hours every day by my window and call the cops on me? That’s
taking the little man in the street under consideration?
I told that whore from psychological service “believe me she’ll demand attention
at any cost”.
“And she’ll get it”, that I didn’t say.
13
The day after the door incident, the whore, the neighbor from downstairs
telling me
Esther told her in the hallway that I wanna kill her. And I just wanted her to be
quiet.
(During the next segment the neighbor refer to Anna as if she was Esther)
Ten o’clock at night and she’s yelling again. You can’t even understand what
she’s yelling, talks nonstop, something about a killer and about Moshe, shouting
that the house committee didn’t get the proper gas arrangement, and that
someone is trying to poison her. Now, just then I was with a client, and him and
his dog got scared to death. He scratched my parquet that bum, the dog. Who’s
that yelling over there? I told him ‘turn the MTV on, I’m going downstairs for a
second, I’ll be right back’. I blocked her eyehole and knocked on her door this
time gently, she opened, saw me, closed, I put my foot. She screamed.
“Esther, that’s it, it’s over! Esther, that’s it, it’s over!”
She started screaming “murderer, murderer, here he comes”
“Esther I’m from next door, my window is just above your porch, it’s interfering
my business, you’re being naked is one thing, but shut up”
“Murderer!” she never stops and her eyes start rolling. I know this game
already.
I said to myself, I’m not gonna let go now, I won’t let go, I don’t need someone
at my window reminding me how bad things are here, they’re bad enough
without her. Not now, I’m not quitting.
“At least shut the shades, Esther. You’re driving all my clients away. When I
wanna go crazy I do it inside my house, people don’t have to see my dick”.
“You came to kill me, murderers, murderers, gewald” I could see I have no
choice, I grabbed her with both arms, slapped her and looked her in the eyes.
“What’s your story, loneliness? You’re not alone”.
I thought she understood. Because she got confused, she realized that someone
is seeing through her, that there’s another crazy person in the building.
She denied. “You’ve got the eyes of a murderer, you, you came to kill me”.
“Don’t you put ideas inside my head, Esther, I’m this close.
What’s the matter you’re not feeling special anymore? The holocaust is yours
only? Who gave you possession? Can’t a person go crazy without the
holocaust?” and then I twisted her arm and said:
14
“If a woman keeps saying she’s from the holocaust and keeps yelling that you’re
coming to kill her, you can also turn crazy, yes crazy, you see how it goes?
Maybe it’s indirect but its holocaust.
She kept yelling.
I’ve pinned her to the wall and said to myself, enough, it’s now or never. “It’s all
a bunch of lies baby, everyone knows, enough denying! You’re not credible
anymore. You’re not a holocaust refugee; the holocaust is not an excuse. The
psychological service told me, you’ve just freaked out; you haven’t really been to
the holocaust, so your husband died, so what? No trauma, no ghetto, no
hunger, no gas chambers, nothing…a fraud, second rate goods, you don’t really
have anything to do with the crematoriums, Esther, there’s loneliness and
there’s crematoriums, its two different things. We’re all lonely. It’s no big deal,
not everyone got burned from it as you, grow up”.
We were close, real close, she looked at me with frightened eyes, don’t know
one thing led to the other.
And we kissed.
Something opened up.
“I didn’t get laid for seven months, Esther, seven! Nothing, do you know what
kind of pressure I’m under? Only recently I got ridden of a sex disease so did I
stand in the window shouting to everyone ‘I have a sex disease?’ I’m between
jobs for seven years, Esther, am I pissing in the hallway so everyone will find out
how pissed I am? My mom told me trimming dogs is not a profession, so what?
From now on I’ll be scratching my neighbors garbage just to show everyone how
bad I feel? Ha? Ha? Ha?
Finally she became silent.
And then I’ve realized.
“You’re right Ester, you’re so right; it is all because of Hitler! It is the simplest
way. They’re coming to kill us. The whore from social services is Gestapo. It’s all
because of her” I said to her.
She smiled.
15
“They came to throw gas on us Esther, ha? A gun is being pointed to our backs,
Esther. It’s all because of Hitler. Sorry, Esther, I was against you. I didn’t really
realize. Now it’s all so simple, there’s someone you can blame, Esther, they’re all
Nazis, we’re together in this. Esther. They’re all Nazis. They’re all Nazis, they’re
all Nazis!
Anna:
(Again tries to finish the neighbor monologue, strikes the gong and convincing
the rest to cooperate)
They’re all Nazis, they’re all Nazis…
Shlimovitch
(Take out from his pouch his transistor radio hand it over to the neighbor and
start to sing again )
I want a hamster, yes indeed, a little hamster
’cause today is the day
That I want an alligator.
I want a rabbit
I want a lion and I want a fox.
It doesn’t rhyme, I know, but that’s the way I want it.
I want to ask when?
I want to ask where?
I want to ask how?
I want to go there.
I want it clear
I want it abstract
I want it fast
I want it here.
I want it confused
I want it unused.
I want to be an outsider
I want to be cool
I want in
16
I want out
I want east
I want south.
I want to love
I want solitude
I like it alone,
Honestly, I want to die, dude.
I want to not want
I want when I want
I want peace
I want to kick ass.
I want to go clubbing
I want to go bar hopping
I want H&M
I want S&M
I want Dolce
I want Gabbana
I want to go shopping in the middle of Havana.
I want it dark
I want it bright
I want intimacy
I want a fight
I want to be urban
I want the countryside
I want some french fries on the side
I want Y
I want Z
I want A
I want B
I want, I want, I want, I want
Why, why, why do I want?
(Anna strikes the gong).
Anna:
17
(Preform herself in pathos)
My name is Anna Mosinzon – that’s my mother’s maiden name. Anna Mosinzon
Ziman, my father’s maiden name, her surname, my surname. “A polish whore!”
said the Zimans on the Mosinzons, “A polish whore” they said and she, she was
too weak to respond .Anna Mosinzon Ziman, I chose to keep my mother’s
maiden name. Anna Mosinzon Ziman – goes with weakness and prostitution.
So – I, Anna Mosinzon Ziman – Traub – Bergman – Abutbul. Yes, Abutbul. I’m
into integration as well, even if we live separately and even though “Mr.
Abutbul” or should I say “Mr. plummer” made his own choices which is fine, not
all of us had gotten the same opportunities…
I do speak English. Cause I’m a bit from Arizona too and it’s important for me to
keep in touch with it. We’re all a bit from here and a bit from there, some will
say we turned to be Americans with a negative connotation, but I don’t have a
problem, saying I’m American first and Israeli only after that, Jewish Mosinzon –
Ziman – Traub – Bergman – Abutbul, as long as it was me who chose to define
that order. And first of all I’m a woman. And I love being a woman.
And that’s the whole idea…! ID? Idea!
It all adds together. You came here to find out what’s with her, your ID, where
did it go? You came here to deepen your inner dialogue about who you are –
through me.
Let’s take a big good breath of relief – I feel we need it…
Behind each and every one of your chairs, if you look good, you’ll find a picture
of an animal, what animal? Am I feeling close to that animal? Does the fact I
chose to sit in this place and not another brings me to think that this animal
chose me? Do I have some animal within me yearning to burst out?
Well, what animal did I sit on – Caracal (= wild cat)! Oh, sorry, Caracal, I hope I
didn’t hurt you. Little bit of humor gentlemen, little bit of humor… never killed
anybody… great! Caracal – what kind of animal is Caracal? Am I a Felis Caracal
or just a common Caracal? Am I a pussycat? Am I unstoppable or restrained? Am
I a hunter or a pacifist?
18
Here – I have a short and dense fur, here you go – I’m licking myself, here – my
flexible body, what long legs I have, maybe I’ll lick myself a little, enjoy myself,
what’s wrong with that?
Here – my back limbs are bigger than my fore ones and the tail is long, so long.
Here – my ears are slender, sharpened, miau, did I notice anything, a deer? Here – they are alert. It ran away. I’ll wait for a while.
I’ll climb a tree, there I’ll be safe. I’ll take a short nap. Grrrr….grrrr….morning!
I’m hungry! Is there a rodent nearby? A Rabbit? A young Moose? Here’s a little
reptile, a mosquito, that’ll do for me, a forced diet. Does anyone here have a
chicken? I’m hungry! I’m so hungry.
(Addressing the audience looking for the people with whom she communicated
early in the event)
Is there a male I can pair with? During our mating season we can handle a few,
meow, meow, meow!!!!!
I’m Anna, a Caracal, I’m Anna the whore, forgive me, Anna…Abutbul the
plummer, I’m Anna in the Ciperlex, roadblock, Anna Mosinzon Ziman whore
Polak… Anna…forgive me…forgive me…
I don’t know if I’m going to go on with those workshops, who knows?
Maybe things will change, how great it is that things are dissolvable, isn’t it?
(Anna sits down exhausted in her chair, the neighbor is trying to encourage her
through breathing, she tries twice and after it gives up. She hit the gong.
Darkness falls on the stage, music shows. ‘Woman with computer’ leaving the
space and stationed herself near a microphone)
Woman with computer:
19
Good evening. Good morning. Mid-time. Another day has gone by.
A small radio station. A female voice. Thoughts, contemplations. Now’s the time
to rest. To hold, to breathe. To love, for heaven’s sake, to love. to be
compassionate, to be better. Better. Sounds like butter. I love butter. I love
being better, I love compassion, grandma made confection; she gave some to
this one, and then some to that one and who was left out? It’s no fun going to
sleep on an empty stomach. From within this intimate, little room, I’m sending
you some time-out. Some peace, some love and a whole lot of better. 3% fat.
Let’s listen to some music.
Bar. Young people celebrating their youth. “Get us some Chasers” says one,
“Drinks are on me!” another approaches the bar; “we have a long night ahead
of us, don’t we? Are you coming to the bathroom? To fill up? Oh, man! That’s
strong! It burns! Did you get that? I still have some on my nose. Music. Young
people celebrating their youth.
“Excuse me, why are you talking about me? Are you talking about me? I’m not a
transvestite! I’m not a transvestite! Quiet. It’s our turn to win a little bit, isn’t it?
Two men smoke a cigarette in the public park, “you got a light?”, “I’m already
smoking, thanks for asking “.
Click. Wow. They’re between the bushes, sucking, getting sucked, getting
scratched, it’s so important for us to find love. So, we talked about quiet, about
security, about love, but what about the butter? What’s left to put on our
breakfast toast?
A small radio station. A female voice. Thoughts, contemplations. “I want what’s
best for me. Can I go back to work in two weeks? Will they think it’s natural?
(holding her breasts). Compassion. We need it so. Towards ourselves. When
we’re sitting at the bar. “Excuse me, Do I need to take my top off for you to
understand that I’m interested? No, I totally disagree that 35 year old women
are the wounded animals in the pack” Compassion! “I didn’t make a hole in this
condom! What do I look like to you? A sperm stealer? Compassion! Even when
you’re at Michel’s in Rishpon. I need the Zipralex prescription again. It’s the end
of the quarter. I still sleep all the time and it’s not because I’m tired. Do you
want the check for 450 Shekel now? What’s it like in Rishpon? Huh? You like it?
What do you mean you’re out of tissues? The least you can do with all that
money I pay you is buy another pack of tissues! Other than more wrinkles, I
don’t feel any change. You said this will help me, didn’t you? Tissues! What the
21
hell am I asking for? Some fucking tissues!! Tissues!! More tissues!! More
tissues!! Can you just stop this fucking music!!??
(The music stops).
I think I’ll be going home now.
I need to soak myself in compassion.
Copyright © Eyal Weiser 2070
THE END.
All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should
be made before commencement of rehearsal to Eyal Weiser, Oshikin St. 98/15, Tel-Aviv, Israel. No
Performance may be given unless a license has been obtained, and no alterations may be made in
the title or the text of the play without the author’s prior written consent.
